Applebee’s Is Trying To Kill Us All

If Applebee’s isn’t once on your inventory of happy hour hot spot, you are able to want to rethink your life. You may remember–or not, depending on whether or not you partook–their$ 1 margarita cope that lasted through October. Well, betches, Applebee’s is now making The War On Your Liver one step significantly by offering $ 1 Long Island Iced Teas for the entire month of December. I know. Just make that sink in.

The Applebee’s Long Island Iced Teas, which they are calling L.I.T.s, after how fucking crazy you’ll be once you have one, are a mix of vodka, rum, gin, tequila, triple sec, sweet and sour combination, with a splash of cola and a dash of your worst soul. For those of you who aren’t “math people”, that’s a full 1.5 ounces of hard alcohol per imbibe. So yea, you’re going to want to delete your ex’s quantity before partaking. Or not, depending on how much you want to fuck up your life.

Vice President of Beverage Innovation at Applebees( a real job I really learned about today) Patrick Kirk described the drinks as “kind to your billfold and a great drink to share with old friends and new ones this holiday season.” Translation: a great road to black the fuck out and fucking around your relationships before you have to buy presents for people.

TBH, I appear irresponsible for even alerting the public to this cope. No good can come of it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to Google “Applebee’s in my area” ASAP.

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