I love my job. I adore your best friend. I adore “peoples lives”. For the most area. I have issues with each of them, because I’m only human, but there isn’t anything major that it was necessary to readjustment.
Besides, I’m not as sad as I used to be once upon a time, so I feel like I have no reason to complain. I feel like I should be appreciative for everything that I have accomplished lately. I feel like sobbing about where I am now would be ungracious.
After all, to report to where I was in the past, things are going well for me. I am more mature. More successful. More confident. I have grown into a something much person.
Of course, there are still days when I struggle to climb out of bottom. Days when I cancel projects because I can’t stomach the thought of leaving the house. Days when I crave the countries of the world to disappear so I can have a chance to loosen for a change.
Despite all of that, I obviously don’t think I’m depressed.
Of course, I’m not fortunate either.
Whenever I giggle, it’s only for a second before the sadness deep-seateds in again. It doesn’t matter if I meet up with your best friend and have the time of my life. It doesn’t matter if my being gives me a goodnight kiss or if I have a detailed discourse with someone I admire. In the moment, I’m loving it. But as soon as it boundaries, I’m back at square one. I’m back seeming bleh. Feeling okay. Feeling fine.
Nonetheless, fine isn’t good enough for me. Fine isn’t enough . strong>
I don’t want to live a life that is only average, everyday, mediocre. I want to live that elicits me. A life I can say originates me proud.
I don’t want to keep feeling like this — balancing between joyful and sad.
Up til now, I have put up with, because I know what it feels like to be depressed and this is so much better. This is a huge step up.
But that doesn’t mean it’s enough. That doesn’t mean I should accept it. That doesn’t mean I merely deserve this and good-for-nothing more.
I want to experience genuine happy. I want to be excited about waking up each morning and getting to work. I want to construct programmes with love that I’ll count down the days until. I want to sought for represent. I want to feel like I have a purpose. I want to live instead of only existing.
I deserve to be happy. And I am going to find a way to start that happen.